Well Then, Where Do I Rest? with Haideh Plock at Yoga Loka: Reno, Nevada: September 18, 2019
I can see I’m resting in my joints in this picture taken last year. Finding new strength and muscles and breaking this habit is a new practice. It feels better on my body and surprisingly relieving to my spirit.
Pre-tour activity is in full roar, and with it, anxiety, excitement, and a heavy to-do list that requires amazing ability to pivot at any moment. I went to Haideh's afternoon class after a day of errand-running that started at 5AM. I hadn't been to her class, but the 4pm time slot worked, and from the description it appeared it was going to be on the easier side, more restorative.
It wasn't.
It was physically demanding; really hard. But I'm not sorry I attended. In fact, I learned a life changing lesson about my self, my practice and unwinding what feels like cheating myself from myself.
Haideh is a mountain climber and a yogini. She knows a lot about strength and presents the information in a matter-of-fact manner that was no-nonsense. I like her style. She helped me want to be my best self. I was able to go there.
It made me see I'm resting in my joints as a safe haven, which, for starters, isn't awesome for the joints.
A joint is the physical point of connection between two bones. Joints contain a variety of fibrous connective tissue. Ligaments connect the bones to each other; tendons connect muscle to bone and cartilage covers the ends of bones and provides cushioning.
The skeleton provides support and structure to the body. Joints are the areas that allow the skeleton to be flexible for movement. But it’s the muscles that provide the force and strength to move the body. Coordination is directed by the brain, but it’s the muscles, joints, and bones that affect our posture and our movement. Weak muscles, joints, and bones are not conducive to optimal health.
And that’s on the physical plane.
On the mental and emotional plane, I see I’m resting unsafely in the very areas that are connecting the bones of my life, so to speak. While the tour life provides a real world practice for my yoga, I can’t say it’s all inspired. I’m more in the realm of survival mode on the road. Being on the defense isn’t particularly helpful for moving me forward towards where I’d like to be. The biggest muscle that’s weakening isn’t so much my hamstrings or biceps, but rather my heart.
I sort of hate to see this about myself. This clinging on for dear life; touring in support not so much for my own bones, but for my husband. Sometimes it causes problems because, let’s face it, who what’s to be supported by a martyr. David is a sensitive sort when it comes to these things.
Martydom is a place of weakness It hides out in me in a wierd combination of codependency and low self esteem. Hanging out in my joints is easy because I’m naturally flexible. I have an appearance of being bendy and healthy and so yogic. But what’s really going on is I”m resting on looking good, acting the part, unicorns and butterflies a lot the time. I don’t want to do the hard work of stepping in to my own power.
This all becomes startlingly clear in class today as Haideh instructed us to find our strength, to quit resting in our joints. As I began to connect with new muscles and feeling supported from within, I began to know a feeling of…and it’s a new one, confidence. Literally standing up for myself, and in myself feels mighty fine.
All postures, according to the yoga sutras, are a combination of effort and ease (sutra 2.46). With this feeling of confidence there is an effort of finding my own inner strength. The question then becomes, where is the ease coming from. Because there is a whole sense of restfulness coming from somewhere.
St. Augustine says, “our heart is restless until it finds rest in God”. Could this be where I’m finding rest?
Perhaps, maybe, oh yeah . That’s what it feels like. While this life of touring in so many ways doesn’t make sense; I’m not a musician, after all, I am finding my way to tuning my body and my heart towards that which, in my own way, feels like I”m dancing with very sweet music.
Health, Love, and Rock N Roll
Winifred