Getting Better All The Time Yin with Heidi at Yoga Loka: Reno, Nevada: July 6, 2018

I think I'll miss the John Watkins hand crafted coffee cups that can't fit in my new kitchen, but what is really making me sad is missing my buddy John Watkins. This picture was from our time together as yogis in Ojai.

The house continues to be so much work it feels like it will never end. Which is made worse because my mind has ventured into the territory of wondering if I've made a big mistake. I feel worse off, not better, and therefore when I drew one of Louise Hay's "Powerful Thought Cards" before practice that said "Life is Getting Better All The Time", it created a whiplash in my thoughts. When I tried it on for size, it fit and I knew deep down that yes, it is true. Life is getting better all the time. I mean, what do I know about anything really? Sages would say not much. One of my most favorite text passages is in the Upanishads and says in a much more elegant way than this but here goes, "those that cling to ignorance suffer, and those who cling to knowledge suffer ever greater."

I grew upset yesterday when unpacking the kitchen because I don't have room for my fifteen sets of china and other sweet serving dishes and utensils in our new small kitchen. I can only use what is most essential. One thing I just absolutely couldn't give up are my hand thrown clay coffee cups crafted by my good friend John Watkins in Ojai. What makes them all the more precious is that John died two years ago and when I hold his coffee cups in my hand I can fit my fingers into where his hands molded them. I can feel him and of course it makes me smile because I loved him so much.

This new townhouse is a shift in many ways and one of them is aesthetic style. Not that John's coffee cups don't look awesome in any house, but as I set up the kitchen while loads of artwork and clothing are coming in the doors I can already see so much of what I own is no longer current. The furniture doesn't fit, my clothes are too hippy,  and there is an all around feeling of being overstuffed, like eating too much Mexican food which I used to love more than anything and now it just makes me feel bloated.

My beloved John Watkins coffee cups just aren't correct for this house at this time. This sacrifice made me sit atop the last big box of pots and pans, knowing I needed the last bit of kitchen real estate for them,  and cry. It sure doesn't feel like life is getting better all the time. I wished I could pick up the phone and call John Watkins to talk about things like this. He always had a way of soothing my petty concerns, and ultimately laugh hysterically over such silly matters. It's not the coffee cups I'll miss drinking out of, its drinking in the heart space that kept me so nourished with his friendship that I'm missing the most.

I hit the mat with a heavy heart this morning and let it all drop down in to my body.  I can begin to see my growing pains in my quest for de-cluttering. I can see my prayers for simplicity and clarity and abundance are being answered. The old informs wonderful new openings. Like my old friend John, with whom I shared lots of yoga and also our sobriety date.  I learned a lot from him and find ease in staying sober from such great memories. And like my Grandmother's silver, which I've been lugging around for 35 years, its time to use it.  In her generation, women had massive social obstacles to living their heart's desire. My grandmother who owned this silver, in particular, suffered greatly because she didn't fulfill her dream of becoming an actress. I've got nothing stopping me from publishing a book, except for me and my old habitual ways of feeling like "I can't".

As Henry Ford said, "whether you  think you can or can't, you're right". "I am screwed because I can't fit all my dishes in my house" is just as untrue as "I can't write a New York Time Bestseller".  There is a lot of work in turning the tide of both projects, but I can see I'm getting closer to setting up a perfectly chic kitchen as well as completing my already awesome book. So yes,  I know life it getting better. How, dear reader, do I know this?  Because I learned a fabulous new stretch this morning in a four part pigeon pose, I had a phychic visit from my dear friend John Watkins, and just now I am getting to write a little more in my book while listening to the Beatles.

Health, Love, and Rock N Roll.