Lines in the Mirror, Lines on My Face with Katie at Yoga Loka: Reno, Nevada: June 30, 2018

"Lines in the mirror, lines on my face. I pretended not to notice I was caught up in the race." Joe Walsh is so awesome.

I think this move aged me by at least 10 years. As I gazed into my face in my new fancy LED bathroom mirrors that started as a simple "hang on the wall" number but ended up taking two weeks and the trifecta of painters, plumbers, and electricians to recess them, I saw for the first time several wrinkles on my forehead and around my face.

Maybe its the power of my new expensive lights, perchance its the stress of ever mounting costs, conceivably its time without a quiet home, or perhaps my wrinkles have been here for a long time, I just got to actually see them in this new space with my new lights. In any case it was a shock and even though these mirrors are chic and awesome I still ask myself, is this all worth it? Do I want to see myself with such light and clarity?

In the Rig Veda the word Light "joytir" and Truth "satyam" are interchangeable. My teacher Ravi Ravindra says life isn't about understanding the Truth, Its about withstanding the Truth. You practice and you open and you study and you build, and like the wrinkles on my face that have been here all the time, the Truth appears. It can be quite shocking. There was a time I would Chardonnay the Truth away, but today I sit, take a very deep breath, sigh and I lean into it. Wow, wrinkles. Lots of them. I started searching in those bright lights for traces of grey hair.

Well I am 57 after all. What's wrong with a few wrinkles?

There have been so many difficulties in setting up this new home I can't help but default to self doubt, "am I doing this right?", and "am I supposed to be here?" . These questions wake me up in the middle of the night, greet me in my new bathroom mirrors,  and align me with each yoga pose in Katie's class today.

Katie suggested we work our asana today at 80%. At first I couldn't even pull back to 80%, it wasn't in my body vocabulary. Even in a yin practice I play my edge at 100%.I haven't less than 100% much of anything  since I can recall. My upbringing and my training and my American work ethic has me running at 100% at all times, except in remodel mode where I've been pushing the envelope at 125 at least. David says it suits because I have an A Type Personality which makes matters worse because I feel like he doesn't know me at all. I don't enjoy working at such a frantic speed precisely because it feels stressful. But the Truth is that there is a lot of work to be done to remodel a new house, help run a tour business, write a book, care for an ailing dog. The bigger Truth is taking the practice of working at 80% is good advice because it gives the ego a huge break and allows grace to flow easier. It works in downdog and it works in picking out new trashcans for a very pretty LED mirrored master bathroom. I spent thirty minutes agonizing over which to choose, the simple brushed chrome or the white porcelain with a tiny row of rhinestones. When I backed off of the fear of not making the right choice, grace flowed in and the answer was obvious. My new white rhinestone trashcans look killer good.

The yogic texts reference "backing off" as a way to the Truth in many ways. Today practicing Sutra 2.6 "sthira sukham asanam", one translation, the posture is steady and comfortable precisely requests loosening the tension so our attention can see the grace flow in (sutra 2.47).

As I sit here writing my blog, gazing at my new kitchen with her shiny new Miele appliances, our Shaw farmhouse sink, our new granite counters with chiseled edges, I can hear the new fountain just outside on the expansive deck with the view of the sky, mountains and all the way to downtown Reno. It's all so gorgeous. It feels like its so worth it. Even if two doors are missing from under the sink and the panel over our new fridge hasn't been stained yet and light bulbs are absent from the chandeliers. I estimate its at least 20% undone yet and for the first time  since I've owned the new property, I'm OK with it, wrinkles and all.

Health, Love, and Rock N Roll.