Gentleness and Gratitude: Teaching Flow and Restore at 808 Wellness: Kihei, Maui, Hawaii

Gratitude is an opener of locked-up blessings—Marianne Williamson

I've been struggling. I haven't bounced back after my Not A Heart Attack. It turned into a cold, I lost my voice, I developed a cough, all the while battling dizziness and loss of appetite. These symptoms roll off my tongue because I've consulted three doctors which is three more than I've seen in the last year, and almost in the last decade, save my diagnosis for adrenal fatigue, which appears might be back again since my new acupuncturist mentioned something about kidney yin deficiency.

It's not that I have a fear of doctors, I don't have need for them. I think of myself as healthy, and for the most part happy, so its thrown me for a loop to feel weak and weepy, exhausted. Its quadruple confusing because I'm here in Maui, one of my most favorite places on the planet. It's almost impossible to be down on Maui.

Such is belief systems like this will kick your ass. Those "shoulds and should nots" Emotions happen and its the job of the yogi to see clearly what is. Sometimes we can track events to emotions, this is obvious. What is far more sophisticated is to look deeper, closer, and also be willing to be in the unknown. "The heart has reasons that reason doesn't know", says Blaise Pascal.

My downtime has inspired a lot of reading and studying. Only one evening of Law and Order binge watching, I swear. One of the most useful learnings came from my friend Alana's Facebook page, which is ironic because I’ve been suspecting Facebook is part of my problem, but that's another blog. Alana shared a qoute by Brother David Steindl-Rast, "the antidote for exhaustion isn't necessarily rest, its wholeheartedness".

This quote inspired a Amazon book shopping spree, ordering 3 of his books, and caused a major re-write of a whole chapter in my book, but mostly put me on a new trajectory of how I spend my day, everyday. And even though I am not feeling awesome I'm feeling a clarity about deeper questions than wondering if TJMaxx has new decorative pillows in stock.

I get to teach yoga every Monday and today I had the great fortune of taking class from Kristen just before mine. Kristen was an angel of nice and gentle and I'm reminded how hard I've been on myself. Not just this trip to Maui, but for a very long time. There’s some unwinding to do about this I know, and that’s what I love about yoga is that it can present a little thread, just barely peaking out of the tapestry of your whole life. it looks so innocent, that little feathery, barely perceptible fiber , but I’ve ruined many a sweater by tugging to hard. Gentle. Oh my god I got to go in gentle because I have I feeling this thread might rip a hole in my heart.

Its the week of Thanksgiving, thank God, so my main news source, my Facebook feed, has gratitude showing up in friends and families, turkeys and yoga poses. My class was about gratitude, natch, but I turned it inside-out, we had a practice about having gratitude for our self, tight spots and all, which might be the best part of resting here in Maui because I feel she loves me back even tough I don’t have the energy to swim in her waves or bike her meandering trails.

And from what I’m reading, my new boyfriend Brother Rast is a big fan of gratitude so much more learning to come.

Even as I was feeling exhausted I got up to take this picture of the flowers on our front lanai. Wholehearted.

Here's our sequence in class today:

Self foot massage
Baddha konasana
Green Tara with twist and side stretch

Cat and Cow
wrist stretches with toe torture

Downdog-Plank rolling
Downdog hip circles
Lizard

Uttanasana
Tadasana
Side stretch with criss cross apple sauce
Fifth position stretch
Tadasana
Gratitude meditation
YAM

Lunge
Twist
Hammock
Warrior II dance
Peaceful warrior
Trikonasana

Plank-downdog
Updog-Cobra
Downdog

Pigeon Play

Twist
Sit
OM
Namaste

Health Love and Rock N Roll
Winifred