Practicing Next To My Alter Ego: Jai Rhythm Yoga: Ventura, California: September 10, 2017

Ninety minute classes are becoming dinosaurs, except in southern California. The extended time plus a heated studio, plus a long bus ride equals a challenging morning on the mat, even before the first sun salutation. Add to all that, I'd plopped down next to my alter ego.

She was young and blonde and gorgeous with exquisite tattoos covering her slender body. I tried not to stare, but I was curious if she was wearing makeup or just blessed with flawless skin. She had a great handstand.

I came precariously close to actually throwing up because I vinyasa-ed myself into a frothy lather in an attempt to prove to myself I was as good as she was.  She was a visible manifestation of my invisible sinister shadow self, the one that says I'm not good enough, I'm too old, and good lord, I need to firm my tricepts. 

MLK is rumored to have said, "darkness doesn't drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate doesn't drive out hate, only love can do that. Similarly, Jesus said, "love God and love your neighbor". I decided to test that theory and send my innocent bystander neighbor some love, because nausea in a hot sweaty room wasn't working for me at all.

The bigger Truth is I'm always practicing next to my alter ego. She's always right there taunting me.  To quit taking the bait means making more visible these invisible threads and I love yoga because occasionally it allows me to get a glimpse at her.

Since the only way to soothe my doubts, fears, and insecurities it to face them head on, after class I leaned over and introduced myself to the bombshell. I thanked her for inspiring me into a stronger practice.  She was lovely as can be, and not a demon but a divine invitation to open my heart and allow the light to shine into the dark I'd conjured up in my mind.

Just like my very own alter ego shadow side.  She's here to help me, to challenge my view of what love really is, and to learn how to practice yoga, for real.

Namaste