Big Mess: Yoga with Nikki at Maui Yoga Shala, Wailea, HI: May 7, 2017

Often when moving through sun salutations there is a half arch before full uttanasana in transition to standing. This morning's instructions were to 'lift your heart halfway'. And it was hard.

Setting up the beach house isn't the experience I expected, which of course is already a recipe for disaster. There are parts of it that are in fact, super messy.

I've been wanting a beachhouse for forever and this Monday I got the key to my own. 

Its a sweet little bungalow just a few blocks from the ocean, in one of the most amazing places on the planet, Wailea, HI. I mean, what's not to love. Which is not the end of the story because at the moment the whole deal is a big mess.

It started innocently enough . The house was  totally a blank slate and we've bee filling it up with our stuff, which is connected of course to our Stuff. 

Day 5 of setting up the house and once again to Kahului . We roll into Lowes for sliding glass doors and ceiling fans. On our way out I stopped in the garden center for flower bowls and orchids . 

Beauty and nature and gardens are important to me. 

But such things are totally frivolous in the eyes of David, which made him super mad. To add to an already angry bear,  the flower baskets tipped over in the car and made a big huge mess. 

We almost sold the house and broke up over the flower baskets. Super bad fight that left me literally shaking for a few days.

The experience brought up a lot of violence and trauma from abusive relationships in the past. 

I had to retreat to my yoga practice, get in my body to sort through what is real and what is remembered behavior. I'm in a state of mild panic and not sure of much of anything at this moment, not of anything at all.

Namaste